It is actually possible to stay in the present moment without any fear or regrets? Because after all of the soul-searching, meditating, being in the nature etc I haven't reached that sweet spot more than just a few fleeting moments. Where I'm fully at peace and believe everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to. And will continue to do so too.
Obviously the way I see things doesn't help with the constant anxiety either. I tend to over-research everything and follow my inner voice but myyy God how conflicting it tends to be with the rest of the world. And it normally results with me shutting down emotionally towards 98% of the people and just make a happy face and not argue with anyone. And then cry at home. And repeat.
Even though nothing is really physically different as it was months or even a year ago, the mental health has copped a major hit after uncertainty, missing my family and dogs, working constantly to drown the uncertainty, not fitting into the box we're all "supposed" to fit in, not wanting to do anything besides being in the nature and climbing.
In saying that, collective energy is not super high here either. Majority of my friends and family are experiencing the same feelings and thoughts which makes it even worse because I don't want them to suffer at all. When does it end? Or how can it end?
I pray for joy and peace. And I'm praying for hope, for light at the end of the tunnel, for some clue, praying for my physical and mental health. I know shit gets dark and then light again, like a day and a night or changing seasons. Or maybe I'm just experiencing the tightness and pressure of what seed feels before sprouting out of it's seedcoat.
Or maybe I consume too much information that literally destroys my soul and I should just keep myself away from phones and news for a very long time.