I had my reasons for doing the things I once did. If I could choose again and change some of them, I sure would. But I can't. I spent way too much time of my life living in the victimhood and basking in my own pain, blaming external sources for my suffering. I acknowledged it was caused by me but not to it's full extent.
I blamed the loss of my creativity on someone else while all along it was me who lost motivation, turned lazy and bitter about my own shortcomings and the waste of potential.
I've never been the one to make people pay for things I thought they did wrong to me but this time I did. And I have regrets about that. I'm sorry.
I've heard loads of harsh words and accusations during the fights I've had with others and myself. Truth is that these words weren't out there to get me. They were the ultimate tough truth that no one dares to say in your face but the people who actually love you. There is place for sugar-coating things but truth remains truth, even when it's uncomfortable and hard to hear, take in on speak out.
I was not running from the people, places, responsibilities.
I was running from myself.
And I brought myself on a path I never knew I needed in order to grow.
I knew I had to take full accountability of my life.
Things have happened because I attracted and needed them.
I did all of it. Every single aspect of it.
I'm the prime creator of my happiness and my misery. I wanted to see myself. Love myself. Forgive myself. Try again.